Since Ryan started 6th grade (middle school) last month, things have been really strained between us. It seems he’s always yelling… at me, at Grant… He’s been disrespectful to me and short with Grant. Is he angry with me? He assures me ‘no’.
I understand that he’s going through a lot of changes. He’ll be 12 in January and I know that puberty is starting. He’s caring more about what he wears and what other kids think. (Though I’m happy that he’s veering away from the kids who care only about having brand-name clothing. My pocketbook sighs relief.) But I’m worried for him too. I don’t like the way we’ve been communicating lately (or not communicating as the case may be) and it makes me feel very sad. :(
I remember middle school. I hated it. It was truly the worst years of my life. I’d always felt safe in my little class of 12 in elementary school. And all of a sudden I was just one of 180 kids in the class. My hair was greasy, my face was full of pimples, and I was teased a lot. I went home crying more days than I care to remember.
Thankfully, I haven’t seen Ryan come home crying yet. But I know he’s going through a big adjustment. Learning the routine of changing classrooms and teachers every hour is difficult enough, let alone for someone who struggles with transitions. Is it just “change” that’s causing our relationship to be so strained?
I bought the book “The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships” by Gary and Greg Smalley earlier this week. I’ve only read two chapters and I’m already singing its praises! The main point they drive home is honoring your teen. Simple things really… letting them know how special they are, how honored you are to be their parents, giving them space to share what’s truly on their heart without judgment, putting them first and letting them know they’re first. Basically, just making them feel special and, well, honored.
Yesterday I was so touched when Ryan called me at work after he’d gotten home from school. He said he had a ‘surprise’ for me when I got home. Wow! Can I tell you how touched I was that he was thinking about me and wanted to do something special to surprise me! It didn’t even matter what the surprise was… the thought of the surprise meant more to me than anything. It was the highlight of my day. J
And last night on the way to his Youth Group meeting, we had a wonderful discussion about the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). This morning he surprised me by getting dressed and ready (and brushing his teeth!) without me having to say a word. He just smiled knowingly when I told him how happy he made me. And he even let me give him a kiss as he walked out the door this morning.
My heart is singing with joy today for the possibility of a new and renewed relationship with my amazingly gifted, beautiful son, Ryan. I love you to the moon and back buddy!!
Honor your teen today (and tomorrow and the next day!). You'll be surprised what a difference it makes. God bless! ~Christine
Inside each of the plastic card holders inside, I inserted my own cards. On the front of each card was one of God's promises to us and on the back was the verse that tell us of His promise.
Pastor Dave and his wife have been such an incredible blessing to the boys and me. Pastor spent 100+ hours working on my house over the summer, he and his wife opened their house to the boys and me when we needed a place to stay, they have given us so much support and prayer throughout the past two years. I cannot even express in words, and certainly a card is not enough, to share the incredible thanks and gratitude I feel for them. THANK YOU PD & B!
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